Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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