i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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