from now on my penis is your penis
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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