I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
