I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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