I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
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