Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
