Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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