The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
