Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
