Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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