All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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