I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
