look no pants
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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