guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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