I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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