she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
