So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
