I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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