I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
