Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
