when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
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She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
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i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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