i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
