i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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