oh god the rape fog is back!
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
