i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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