WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
