I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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