There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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