birth control should be required to get into college
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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