Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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