Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
