He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
