While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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