Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...