I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours