I'm pants shitting drunk right now
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"