I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
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me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
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I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.