dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
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We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
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Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey