I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
