sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
tell me about the fingering
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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