your thong is hanging out like whoa
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
