we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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