if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
