I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
