i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
time to smoke my breakfast
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
