did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
