it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
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They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
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I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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