Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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