as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
