Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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