Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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