I need to stop coming to work sober
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
