everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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