I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
