this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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