Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
