when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
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