How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i drank out of a bidet.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
