I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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