Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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