To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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