i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
