your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Randomize
