So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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