it hurts more in the daytime
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
