Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
