Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
